Redneck Humor
You might be a redneck if.....
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
Your state's got a new law that says
when a couple get divorced,
they are still legally brother and sister.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
Your parents met at a family reunion.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
THE TOP COUNTRY & WESTERN SONGS THIS WEEK
7. I Never Went To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
5. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause She Might Win.
4. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
Your state's got a new law that says
when a couple get divorced,
they are still legally brother and sister.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
Your parents met at a family reunion.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
THE TOP COUNTRY & WESTERN SONGS THIS WEEK
7. I Never Went To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
5. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause She Might Win.
4. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer.
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day